Letter from Elisabeth
 

Two of my children are in heaven.   One is in heaven because God took her home.  Little Katie was born with Trisomy 13 and lived for only two months.

My other child is in heaven because I killed him. I was a teenager, and when I found out I was pregnant, I aborted so I would not have to tell my parents.  

I am writing because I want you to know which choice I regret, and which choice I delight in.

I look back on Katie’s life with deep joy and satisfaction.  I wasn’t a perfect mom even for those two months; there are things I’d do differently if given the chance!  Yet I look back with the satisfaction of knowing how much I loved her and how well I cared for her.  I think of her in God’s presence - in the presence of the Living God! - and I am filled with deep joy.

My other child is in God’s presence too, but that thought sends me to my knees.  The law says it was my choice to make, but I knew even back then that life and death is God’s business.  I made a decision no human has the right to make, the decision to end the life of an innocent child.  

Five years ago, when my husband and I found out our baby had Trisomy 13, we struggled with the thought that our child might suffer.  Maybe, we thought, it would be selfish to go through with the birth.  Maybe the compassionate thing would be to abort before she ever had to struggle.  

Then we remembered that plenty of people suffer and yet still want to live as long as they can.  Who were we to decide that she should die so she might not suffer?

I also thought about what might be ahead for us.  I knew that some Trisomy children live for many years, and I realized she might need total care.  I worried about the strain on our finances and on our marriage.  Would we be able to handle it?

Here I was, years after my teenage abortion, facing the decision to abort again, and just like the time before, for selfish reasons.  Once again, I was afraid of the way a tiny, innocent baby might change my life.  Would I be able to handle it?

Over the course of Katie’s pregnancy, I thought a lot about this question.  What did I really fear might happen to me if I couldn’t handle it?  Was I afraid of having a nervous breakdown?  Was I afraid I might die? I decided to handle the challenges the same way anybody does--by walking through them one step at a time.  

Life and death is God's business.  You can handle what's ahead.  Your job is simple: just love your children and take care of them the best you can.  

By Elisabeth Slotkin (mom to Katie)

Contact Elisabeth at: (904) 730-9732
(904) 476-6673 (cell)   Call anytime
eslotkin@comcast.net